this essay one of my favs from my 21 days of writing challenge I’m taking part in. I touched more on this in my last post day 1: depression
happy reading and blessings <3
There is power in the word no. It implies rigidity of self, boundaries, and agency over personal freedom. It is an expression of self respect. For most of my life I've said yes. Yes to opportunities, experiences, people. All of these sound great in theory, but in reality saying yes all the time stretched out my ego and boundaries like elastic yeasty dough- fun to poke and prod at and with enough pressure, break.
For so long I aligned with the belief that everything and everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. Saying the word "no" didn't seem very chill girl, very "PLUR", very "love everything and everyone✌️" of me. There was a strong fear I had around missing out on growth experiences or disappointing people in my life. For most of my childhood I was socially anxious and was nurtured to put my needs below others (mainly my parents), so as I started integrating myself into social situations, peer pressure was something I succumbed to fairly easily. This feeling expanded and seeped into my professional and personal life; I found setting boundaries with employers or partners to be a challenging, and I bent myself in every which way to say "yes", anxious about losing that job or person over losing my dignity.
There's obviously a balance between rigidity and flexibility. Standing up for yourself and being rooted in your beliefs is a sign of power and confidence. But being too firm implies a lack of empathy which devoids human connection and to some extent, induces fear in others. Going with the flow and rolling with the punches is a sign of adaptability and maintains mental peace under times of stress. But being too soft will result in others taking advantage of you and a general loss of self respect. Balancing both is the definiton of charisma, it taps into a state of expansiveness that only attracts abundance.
The ability to say no is a sign of confident soul. It is where true freedom lies. I know I'll have made it when I can choose myself and stop feeling guilty. My time is valuble, I am THE number one priority, and no one's comfort or needs (aside from my future children) are more important than my peace of mind and well being.
So here I affirm: Be rooted and confident but still friendly and nurturing. Speak less and listen more. Speak with conviction and don't over explain yourself. Choose your friends wisely. Be the main character. Follow your intuition and don't be afraid to say "no." Watch how the world opens up to you, taking you down paths of life you never imagined.
-Shrav
~vibes